Who Makes an Adoption Plan?
The negative stereotype of a birthparent heartlessly giving up a child couldn’t be further from truth. Neither is it the reality that all birthparents are troubled and irresponsible teens. In fact, most birthparents today are over the age of 18, who recognize that they lack the resources to raise a child.
Many of them are already caring for one or more children, and realize that placing this newborn with another family will give the baby a better chance at the life they’ve dreamed he or she would have. For them, as for most birthparents, the decision to place their child for adoption is an educated and thoughtful one, and it is often a painful, but loving, choice. As one adoption professional explained, “one of the biggest, hardest myths for birthparents is that they don’t care. They do care. They care enough to know that they can’t parent at this time.”
Here are some real words from some real birthparents that say it better than we ever could…
“I can’t give Daniel what he deserves. I know that giving him away at the very beginning of his life will not put him through any long term damage… I know that by giving him the chance to have 2 parents to love & guide and stand by him no matter what problems will come along in the future, I have made the right decision.”
“I want to keep you so badly, but I know I am doing what is best for both of us… I could never give you what they can. I am still in school. I make minimum wage at my job. We wouldn’t be able to make it. I know I am making the best decision. Please try and understand my position. I love you more than life. It is killing me to give you up.”
“I have to be honest and tell you that the 22 nd of this month went by with tears of joy for you three. I still look back and know deep in my heart that if I had the opportunity to do it all over again, I would still do it the same way. I can remember your ad in the paper about puppies and ponies and a college education. I can remember like it was yesterday the look on Michelle’s face when I handed you Mark. A late Christmas present, remember?”
“Sorry that I have not written to you guys (for almost 2 years), but I needed some time to deal with everything… definitely no regrets though. What a blessing the two of you are. J I know Timmy is loved and cared for and having a wonderful life! Do you know how I know that? Because he has the best parents any boy could ask for.”
“I am feeling a peace knowing how much you both want this child – I feel like I am doing the right thing Your letters make me realize how much of a wonderful life this child will have with you – a life I knew I could not give at this time.”
“Beth and John are very special and I can’t think of anyone who deserves this chance to provide for and love their ‘New Baby Boy’ more than they do… the way they looked at Michael when they first saw him was with nothing but absolute and unconditional love. What a feeling of pride it gave me to be able to hand Mom her son. I wouldn’t trade that moment for the world. I am so happy for them, and for the fact that I got to be the one to make their dreams come true… I feel privileged to have been a part of completing their family.”
A New Found Friend
A poem written by Dawn, one of our birthmothers to the Adoptive Mother
Not so long ago, my life was incomplete.
My dreams of success seemed far beyond my reach.
Then out of nowhere, a miracle occurred.
A complete stranger came into my life.
Amongst all my problems peacefulness filled my being…
I knew everything would be alright.
She shared a common bond with me, one only mothers can share.
You see, I am the birthmother of the child for whom she’ll care.
Together we’ve shared laughter, tears, heartache, and joy.
The reason… A precious baby boy.
You mean the world to me,
And in my heart you will always be.
No one has ever touched my heart in this way.
I’ll cherish our newfound friendship forever.
I’ll be with you every day.
Choices and Decisions
A poem written by Keri Ann while incarcerated regarding her adoption plan
Sometimes you gotta make a hard Decision.
Sometimes you just should have Listened.
It is only your children as home you are Missing.
And every night it is them you with you were Kissing.
Sometimes you don't know if the choice you are making is Right.
But you don't take it Light.
And always put up a Fight.
Yes, No of I Might....
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What's New at FFTA?
Not your typical lawyer. Debbie Wolf got to where she is today one challenging job at a time. After studying psychology in college, her first job was as a social worker for the Massachusetts Department of Social Services. This turned out to be both wrenching and rewarding. One Thanksgiving eve, she was charged with delivering a 6-year-old boy whose mother was mentally ill and abusing drugs to his new foster home. "The place was so bad I refused to leave him there,” she said. “Instead I took him back to my office and we ended up spending the night at work with another co-worker until we found a more suitable alternative."
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May 19th, 2016
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